i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's rum buckets o'clock
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
