Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
