So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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