he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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