My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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