Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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