The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize