They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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