he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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