new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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