I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize