I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
