i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
