I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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