My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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