The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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