I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
