literally had 100 drinks last night.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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