Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
