I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
