So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
