I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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