To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
