That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
