When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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