theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
