Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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