Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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