apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
