Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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