i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
