i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I haven't been this sober since birth.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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