After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
