my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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