You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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