Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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