He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
