How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
