I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
COCAINE IS GR8
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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