You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
