Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
