Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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