I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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