there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
