Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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