Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
