i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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