i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
