I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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