she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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