My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish I could teleport
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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