He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
