I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're like the curious george of whores
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
