Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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