you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
