I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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