Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
