I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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