you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
