pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
