I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
